Monday, May 18, 2009

loss.

the past three years of my life have been a waiting period for the inevitable. at times the proximity of loss has felt more acute, but since mayday and finally on mothers' day i knew that an era in my life was nearing an end.

i've felt excruciating pain, thought i'd choke, and lived through regrets of negligence and not being the best daughter in the world. i've also tried to create meaningful moments and felt lacking in so many ways. i have immersed myself in work and meaningless activities only to find myself lost in feelings of inadequacy and humbling grief.

last night my mother passed away. three years ago she received a diagnosis giving her three months to live. but she didn't go easy, not on herself or on us close by. needless to say, i have said my goodbyes several times already, but there is nothing comparable to the actual loss.

she's gone. as my friend who just lost his mother accurately said: now i have the rest of my life to not forget.

10 comments:

Sugar Kane said...

I'm so, so sorry for your loss, honey.

Esba said...

Otan osaa. Kirjoitat kauniisti. Voimia.

Anna-Maria said...

Otan osaa. Menetin isäni joulun alla, joten tiedän hyvin mitä käyt nyt läpi. Jos haluat vaihtaa jatuksia, niin mulle voi meilailla. Vertaistukea on saatavilla tältä suunnalta. :) Jaksamista sinulle, ekat kuukaudet ilman rakasta ihmistä ovat todella rankkoja. Ajan myötä suru kyllä helpottaa, vaikkei unohtaa voi koskaan.

Anna-Maria said...

*vaihtaa ajatuksia

Anonymous said...

voimia.

Anonymous said...

Osanottoni, jaksamista sinulle. <3

*blogin lukija*

aink said...

voi että. vaikka ei tunnetakaan niin liikutuin silti. voimia ja jaksamista vaikeina aikoina!

Anu said...

Voimia sulle.

Lexi said...

I'm really sorry. Be strong.

stellagee said...

thank you everyone for your kind words.

kiitos kaikille osanotosta. ja anna-marialle voimia; otan yhteyttä tässä, kun saan ajatuksia taas kasaan.

blogging seems like a good way to stay busy...