the past three years of my life have been a waiting period for the inevitable. at times the proximity of loss has felt more acute, but since mayday and finally on mothers' day i knew that an era in my life was nearing an end.
i've felt excruciating pain, thought i'd choke, and lived through regrets of negligence and not being the best daughter in the world. i've also tried to create meaningful moments and felt lacking in so many ways. i have immersed myself in work and meaningless activities only to find myself lost in feelings of inadequacy and humbling grief.
last night my mother passed away. three years ago she received a diagnosis giving her three months to live. but she didn't go easy, not on herself or on us close by. needless to say, i have said my goodbyes several times already, but there is nothing comparable to the actual loss.
she's gone. as my friend who just lost his mother accurately said: now i have the rest of my life to not forget.